My cat-mom read me this story this morning. Boy was I scared. Don’t mess with grizzly bears. Or any bears for that matter. Don’t mess with dogs or big parrots either. Even those ugly little dogs.

 He was soft spoken, middle aged and ready to take on political issues not heard of in the rinky dink City of Schenectady. Quality of life issues like enough food for his constituents and loving homes for all, as homelessness among them were growing at an alarming rate.

 He wasn’t your typical candidate and he was running on a write-in slate. But it looked like he was gaining popularity and the hard core politicians were starting to worry a bit. Sparky was a candidate for everyone. He was warm and fuzzy, easy to be around yet distant from the nasty politics that tend to rule the city’s mindscape. So the machine was right to fear him.

 Businesses and people alike were warming to the idea of Mayor Sparky. Most of them proudly displayed their “Sparky for Mayor” plaquards in their business windows and had their bumper stickers stuck to their bumpers. But a few were threatened by the current administration such that they couldn’t. Not that they didn’t want to because just the name “Sparky” invoked images of fireworks and foundries. And that’s what Schenectady is. Or at least it was. A foundry of moulten ideas and new technology with the brightly colored fireworks accompanied by the explosion of population and jobs.

 But Schenectady isn’t that anymore.

 Sparky began his campaign last summer and it was rolling along strong. His website at www.sparkyformayor.com was getting tremendous hits on a daily basis. Everyone knew that he wasn’t going to be on the November ballot but no one cared. They loved Sparky and his ideas and were anxious to write in Sparky. And like I said before, the politicians were getting worried.

 And then the food from China scare came out and people were throwing away possibly tainted food by the can-fulls. Good food gone bad. But some of that food didn’t make it to the landfills safely protected by the cans surrounding it. Some of that bad food made its way into the hands of some very bad people. And they were politicians.

 Sparky never wanted to push away any gift from any person but he should have. Weeks ago, while under the guise of a discussion over the issues that plague his constituents, Sparky accepted a pat on the head and a mouthful of oer’doeuves from a possible voter. That person told Sparky that he supported his ideas and was going to write in his name. But the next day Sparky was obviously sick. He didn’t know it at the time, but he was poisoned with some bad food from China. And he was poisoned by a politician!

 Sparky lingered and finally pooped out. A very sad day for all the voters and businesses in the City of Schenectady, and a very sad day for his Mom. A good candidate for Mayor was dead. Black sashes were gently placed around the Sparky signs. Animals of all varieties sang their sadness at the sinking moon. Even the homeless stopped their hunting and foraging to offer a moment of silence for the fallen hero.

 They say that politics makes strange bedfellows and here in Schenectady we’ve got all the politicians in bed with each other. That’s why a write in candidate is so scary to them. Sparky would have been a Mayor for all of us. Not just for the guys who pay into their campaigns. Sparky didn’t have a campaign account. He was the accountable one and he was accountable to everyone.

 We lost a great chance to have a mayor here who was real. And the sad thing is, is that no one, not the DA, not the cops, not the politicos and not even his constituents are going to try and get to the bottom of this horrible crime. And that’s the real crime.

 Rest in peace Sparky. I’m going to miss your beautiful face.

— This is a work of fiction not based on anything other than the vivid imagination of the author (and ghost writer).

My cat-mom read me this horrible article. Sparky died. I’m so sad. Going to nap now.

 Don’t let misguided animal rights activists disrupt their cat lives. All 9 of them for all the cats.

Please help these cats. Most human’s are clueless! My cat-mom signed this petition. We should all be able to lounge around in our space.

Save the Hemingway Cats Petition

Save the Hemingway Cats Petition, hosted at PetitionOnline.com. … the USDA to halt its legal actions against the cats residing at the Hemingway House.

http://www.petitiononline.com/MCPI/petition.html

I saw a HUNK of a MAN over my cat-mom’s shoulder today. In the paper! He’s running for mayor of my city. I have no doubt he’d make the best mayor. Just look at his rugged appeal, his eyes are the window to his honest soul and he’s the right color! Gray! No black and white issues from him!

So all you cats out there in the city, vote for SPARKY! And don’t worry Sparky, there’s a leash law in the city so the dogs won’t be able to get to the polls, and we’ll keep those dang birds at bay!

Sparky’s website is www.sparkyformayor.com

Sometimes I just look outside and wonder what it’s like. I wonder what it feels like to be a wild cat, free to roam, free to hunt, free to be free.

But then I see the cars go by my house, and the people talking on their phones, and the squirrels nearly getting run over, and I think “OK, its nice to be safe. It’s nice to be warm and fed. It’s nice to lay on the satin spread in my own personal bedroom.

Keep your kitties indoors. They’re so much safer, even if they yearn to go outside.

–Chow Mein

This picture was sent to me by a secret admirer. What can I say.

I picture myself chasing sheep in the meadow, or riding on the shoulders of a farmer in a rice paddy. That’s how good that stuff is.

Oh, and gravy too. Buy your cat some gravy today. Pour it on his food. He’ll “lick” you for it.

But they have some furniture that I highly recommend they get rid of. They have a “glass top coffee table.”

One day while playing hide and seek, I was under it and my cat-mom peeked through it. So when I tried to do my “swoop and dive” maneuver, I was abruptly stopped by that glass table top! Whoa, boy did that hurt!  I had a kitty-good headache for several hours, but I didn’t let on.

Do your kitty a favor. Don’t get furniture that just may injure them. The next life you save may actually be your own.